Currently I have a job that is giving me no hours what so ever. It is a job that I enjoy and was hoping to make a career out of it (maybe). But with the lack of hours I have to consider getting myself a job that is going to pay. This is the part of my dilema.
Being bipolar makes for alot of uncertainty in your life. When are you going to go through your next depressive episode? When are things going to turn south? These are some of the questions and doubts some people (specifically me) have when we're going through this disorder. To many times I've been feeling well only to see those gains disappear in an instant. This is the reason why i'm scared to get a new job.
Getting a new job is taking on a whole mess load of new responsibility. Especially a career for that matter. The first thing I have to do is make a phone call to the company. Alot easier said then done. I'm just afraid of when the person picks up on the other line that i'm going to make a fool of myself. Life is all about first impressions and to make a poor one doesn't bode well for me. I have a lot of pressure at home to find myself a new job and if I don't find it soon i'll probably find myself out on my butt. That's why I have to hit these things out of the park because if I don't find a job i'm going to be looked down by my mother. It's like I need a confidence booster and since i'm not getting it at home where else am I going to get it from? I honestly don't have many friends. My social life is pretty much non existent with the exception of a couple of people I hang out with. But those couple of people aren't enough. I need to have different friends in different places in order to be happy. I need to be invited out, go to different places, and meet different people in order to be happy. I guess this is an entirely different problem then what i'm facing right now. But maybe their all intertwined? I just have to get over the hump and call these people. It's just that I have this fear inside me that I feel I have to come on here and talk about it. If anybody has any suggestions on how I can combat these fears please let me know.
Posts
2 comments:
Hi Timothy,
You're not alone, there are many of us dealing with similar issues. Being bipolar is often an isolating or even self-isolating disease. For me my confidence and self-esteem go out the window when I'm having a depressive episode. These can last from weeks to years. I will admit that many of my socialization attempts while down have left me feeling pretty badly and like I'm basically worthless. But I also think that trying once in a while to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger who is watching the same game as you on tv, or who is having a quiet drink alone down the bar by you, etc..., these attempts can't hurt. If it goes well you have conversation and feel more loved. And if they don't want to talk, you don't have to sweat it because you don't know them and most likely will never see them again. I hope this helps!
Tim,
Making changes in your life and going for new things is both exciting and scary. No matter what we have to face you have the challenge of being excepted, warts and all. Don't let the word "fool" even be in your vocabulary. If some people didn't make fools of themselves we wouldn't have the great things we do! So my advice to you is make the call! Your new friend
Janice! AKA elliot!
Post a Comment